By BELLA BLUE BERNINGER
Today at lunch, my Mom came home to take my sister Rita the Pita and me out for our walk - just like she does every afternoon - but it was only 37 degrees outside, so she thought we should put on our jackets.
Now, Rita is a Chihuahua, so she begins to shake and feel the chill even on a 70 degree day, so I too must suffer.
Bella Blue Berninger, owned by Debb Berninger, Montoursville, does not like clothing that attaches with Velcro.
I would describe Rita as a "girly-girl" dog, tiny at less than 6 pounds, she is a fawn and white bundle of cuteness. She has an adorable little black turtleneck sweater with a leopard print heart, cubic zirconia studs and a pink bow - BLECH! Rita will sit quietly while Mom pulls the sweater over her head and manipulates her tiny legs into the sleeves all the while gazing lovingly at Mom with her giant doe like eyes - what a kiss up!
Me, I'm a tomboy! Rough and ready for action; at 10 pounds I am the "big sister"! My blood line is a great mystery to those who meet me and I often hear people ask Mom, "What is that?" Dumb question people - I am (clearly) a dog!
From day one I let my Mom know that there would be NO pulling on of clothing, no ribbons or bows NOTHING over or on my head - PERIOD! I can dodge, twist and sprint away faster than you can say "Bella Blue" when I don't want to be messed with.
Not to be deterred by my head ducking ways, Mom found a "cute" Sherpa lined jacket - purple with a skull and crossbones on the back. So, after carefully sniffing it over, it passed my "eeeww too girly" test. But the design was to be my nemesis.
It was designed to lay across ones back, fasten around the neck and again around the waist with Velcro! VELCRO, PEOPLE! VELCRO: that vile, hissing, pinchy invention straight from Hades!
At first, before I knew just how evil Velcro was, I decided to try the jacket on, to please Mom. She just tries so hard to make us happy and I wanted to return some happiness to her.
But when that jacket started to snarl at me as Mom brought it closer to my body I cringed "SSSCCCRRRRUUUUUPPPP!!" it hissed. My ears shot forward as I tried to understand what this jacket was trying to tell me. SSSSCCCRRRRUUUUPPPPP!" it growled again as my Mom unfastened the second set of straps. "Stand still. Bella, good girl," Mom crooned.
Holding my breath I stood as still as I could. Squeezing my eyes shut tight, I waited to see what would happen next.
I could feel the warm and soft Sherpa against my back. "So far, so good," I thought to myself.
Next, Mom's hands carefully wrapped the two straps around my neck, not too tight, just resting there. "OK, a bit strange, but no biggie." I began to relax.
Suddenly, I SCREAMED! Something had pinched my belly, it felt like a million tiny teeth were chewing away at my soft underbelly! I screamed again when the Velcro Monster started to snarl with rage as my Mom tried desperately to free me from its evil jagged teeth! "SSSSCCCCCRRRUUUUPPP" SSSCCRRRUUPPPP".
"GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!" I yelped as loud as I could!
"SSSSCCCCRRRUUUPPP!" It growled even louder as it started to lose the battle against my Mom. "SSSSCCCCRRRUUUPPPP!" it roared while being torn from around my neck-and then - silence. The monster was dead.
It lay there on the floor between me and Mom - the silly skull's empty eye sockets taunting me to come closer. I jumped into my Mom's arms still whimpering from the pure horror of it all.
"Oh, poor baby girl!" Mom cried. "Are you OK?"
After a quick exam for any damage, we were off to the great outdoors for our walk. Still quite shaken by the ordeal, I was as jumpy as a pup at the vet's office for his shots. Finally able to relax, I started sniffing the ground for that perfect spot.
I hate Velcro - sniff, sniff - glad that's over - sniff - I better remind Mom to throw that awful jacket away when we get back to the house. I wasn't scared - sniff, sniff - really - sniff, sniff, sniff - stupid jacket - sniff, sniff, sniff.
"SSSCCRRRRUUUUPPPP!" Rita yipped, looking on in her smart black turtleneck sweater and smiling her silly Chihuahua grin as I jumped two feet straight up into the air.
I just don't like Velcro.
Bella Blue is owned by Debb Berninger, Montoursville.
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