Awright, knuckleheads - which a yez didn't like the new "Three Stooges?"
What are ya, some kind a wise guy?
Don't ya like slapstick? And bone-headed jokes? And dummies gettin' smacked while causin' a ruckus?
In this image released by 20th Century Fox, from left, Will Sasso, Chris Diamantopoulos, and Sean Hayes are shown in a scene from “The Three Stooges.”
An' if not, why the heck wouldja see this movie?
OK - I'll step out of "Moe mode" now. Right after a poke in the eye for critics who disliked this uproarious ode to cinema's indestructible idiots.
Though it takes a little while to get going, one could hardly ask for a funnier and more affectionate tribute than this gag-fest from the Farrelly brothers ("Dumb and Dumber," "There's Something About Mary").
Sean Hayes is a bit too raw as Larry, but Stooge-o-philes will be amazed by Will Sasso as Curly and Chris Diamantopoulos as Moe.
Sasso has a face made of rubber and a body that's agile despite its requisite girth. He's letter perfect - probably the best of the three.
Diamantopoulos nails Moe's bile and demented leadership - and he has the voice down so pat that if you closed your eyes you'd swear this was a black-and-white short from the 1940s.
Speaking of which: The Farrellys have broken their movie into three 30-minute episodes, each opening with a nostalgic title-shot accompanied by the famous Stooge theme song.
Since I don't read reviews before writing mine - just a quick glimpse for the consensus - I don't know what reviewers objected to; but it may be that the film's very nostalgia turned off critics.
Let's face it, the Three Stooges are about as low-brow as it gets. There's no self-conscious winking, as if to say "we know how dumb this is;" nothing smart or modern; no theme, no ideas, no message - except perhaps that friends can take a lot of abuse.
So the Farrellys play it straight - and yes, there's plenty of dumb stuff here, including the line "You got donuts in my ear," which sets up an almost unforgiveable pun.
But this is exactly what you got with the Stooges - which is why most non-critics found the film terrific.
To give their tale narrative drive, the Farrellys layered in some sentiment about how the Stooges really do love each other.
I don't remember this from the original films, but it works nicely here; Diamantopoulos is especially effective at conveying heartfelt emotions despite his gruff exterior.
On the other hand, this new movie has much more crude bathroom humor than its predecessors; the squirm-inducing scene with peeing babies, for example, is something the Stooges would never have done.
But it's noteworthy that the Farrellys (actually, two actors playing them) appear before the closing credits to explain to youngsters that the painful-looking gags weren't real.
In other words - don't try this at home.
And if you hate the Stooges, don't try it at all.